The Trouble with Online Dating or Online Anything Really

I have difficulty articulating to others the kind of romantic relationship I might find myself in now that I’m older and I’m a single parent. I grew up with this vision of two people living together and having children and to me, that was the ideal, the goal, the ‘happy ending,’  but when that doesn’t pan out, what the hell next, right?

And seriously, what is up with dating nowadays anyway. I suppose the fundamentals of dating are the same as they were years ago when I was in my 20s, but now the Internet plays a big role in dating. I mean, we can find out a lot of things about someone REALLLLYYYYY quickly. It’s scary.

You can find out the person’s job, past jobs, find out about their family, their friends, scroll through hours worth of pics, find out who they dated, where they took their last trip — it’s never ending and it really sucks because we can then take these snippets of information and proceed to fill our minds with assumptions. The thing is, maybe we’re right – maybe they dated, maybe they’re having an affair, maybe he does want to get back together with his ex, but maybe it’s all a figment of my imagination. You tell me — because I sure as hell don’t know!! lol

Not that long ago a friend of mine said he was looking at his girlfriend’s Instagram followers and the pics she liked and I was able to sort of rationalize for him how it didn’t matter and he was making a big deal out of nothing. But then I started to ask myself privately if he was onto something. Do we act differently online. Are we more at liberty or do we feel more inclined to flirt with strangers or friends online because there’s some sort of barrier of space between us. This ‘safety’ is what eggs us on to push the barre a little farther than we would in a face-to-face situation.

I think that’s the problem with online anything – it’s too easy to lose our humanity, our integrity. We see it when people leave nasty, hateful comments for others, we see it when the woman sends naked selfies for a moment of attention, we see it when the knocked down married person flirts online while their spouse is not looking.

I’m asking myself what is the answer, how do we fix it, how do we protect ourselves from being a victim of this ? I just don’t know.

7 thoughts on “The Trouble with Online Dating or Online Anything Really

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  1. I agree with a lot of these thoughts about online dating. I think it really depends on the platform you use and timing/luck. I met an ex through online dating but after we broke up (there was literally no spark….looking back, I’m frustrated why I didn’t end things earlier), I tried the same program again within a week found a sweetheart. Can’t imagine anyone better… wishing you luck and love!

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    1. Oh wow! Your story is encouraging. I think in hindsight we all ask ourselves why we didn’t act with more common sense, but…at same time, perhaps you would not have met with sweetheart !

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yesssss!!! That happened to me too!!! Went on after not using it for several months, practically given up and then I met someone who had just joined!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great blog, Wendy. Thank you for sharing.

    I disagree though that the fundamentals of dating are the same as they used to be. Men are more confused than ever before. Men are now shamed if they open the door for their date, and then shamed they don’t.

    To make matters worse, many men are deathly afraid to approach women in person (for many reasons). So, a lot of men to turn to online dating. But they’re awful at carrying on a flirtatious conversation online (and even worse at texting). There are few outlets for men to teach them basics of dating and texting. And the increase in video games and porn is making things much worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I respect that you disagree – I should underline that not all men are shamed for opening or not opening doors. I think bottom line is that manners matter, whether you’re male or female. But I do agree that men are afraid to approach women, yet at the same time, many women won’t make the first move. It’s not helping matters, right??! haha

      P.S. Apologies for not responding earlier 🙂

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